He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
