i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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