Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
