Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
