Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
