i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
