Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
