can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
there's paper in my vomit.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
