Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My cat gives me a boner
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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