Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
