forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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