and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
