All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
be right there i have to get my cape
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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