...so i touched it.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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