The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
