first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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