Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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