yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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