when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I need to align my fucking chakras
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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