If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
