tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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