Non-Jews are for practice
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
