so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
