Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
