Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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