I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i wish my penis had a tongue
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
