I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
