Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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