i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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