I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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