Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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