I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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