pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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