Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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