Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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