Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
