So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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