how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
