dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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