My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
