i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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