i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
