watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
