We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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