That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
