That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
