If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
