I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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