Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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