Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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