Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
