I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
