Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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