Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Someone shit on the floor
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
