i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
